Where's The Remote/Please Buzz Me!

The tale of the shock collar and why I should probably wear one -

We have a dog Daisy.  She is a black standard poodle who weighs about 60 lbs and research says she should be brilliant.  She's brilliant all right; at torturing me.   I'm going to get a lot of flack for this, but honestly, I just prefer small dogs.  They're easier.  You don't have to use a shovel to clean up poop.  If a small dog jumps on someone's leg, people think it's cute.  Daisy jumping on people not so much.   She pushes my limits everyday.  She acts like a goat, she'll eat anything.  She's eaten whole cakes, Halloween candy, homemade Tuna Noodle Casserole, loaves of bread and much much more.  Then there's the reprocutions of a dog eating junk; the puke.  When the kids are outside, she runs to every window/door and slams her 60 lbs into it like she's going to break free and join them.  When she doesn't get her way, she likes to have an "accident" to show me who's the boss.

One of my sisters and her husband don't like pets.  They have gotten a lot of flack for this; honestly I get it.  Pets are a lot of work.  The poop, the pee, the puke - especially if you have little kids; why would you torture yourself with the extra burden of taking care of an animal.  I liken people trying to talk people into pets as the same as when people initially badger newleyweds on when they're going to have kids:  MISERY LOVES COMPANY!!

I don't want to hear any solutions to my Daisy problem.  I solved my problem for the most part i.e. the newly purchased shock collar with remote.  This has possible saved my sanity.  Now, I told you she's smart.  For the most part, her behavior is better just having it on with the threat of what could happen.  I only have had to use the tone to get her to behave, she's never experienced the shock.  The trick is keeping it charged.  I swear she knows the second the batteries go bad.

So, I have been laughing to myself lately as I freshened her batteries and got her naughty behavior under control.  Wouldn't it be great if someone could "shock" me with a remote when I go in for something naughty in the snack cabinet; or for that glass of chardonnay when I said I wasn't going to have one?  I'm going to just pretend this is possible.  It may keep me honest; it'll definitely make me think twice - join me!

PS:  It's kind of tongue in cheek; it's a love/hate thing.  Animal lovers need not respond.  I get it.  Pets are great additions to family life (as long as they're wearing a shock collar)!