Move Over Kardashians

Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Seriously, you need to call me.  I have material for you that blows the Kardashians away.  Yes, I enjoy them.  The Kardashians, Bachelor/Bachelorette, and Bachelor Pad are I swear my only current guilty pleasures.  But their material is old, staid, boring.  We need to shake things up and that's why calling me is a necessity for your future success.

Take the recent episode of the Kardashians where Kris Jenner had her 20 something old boob job redone.  Wow, that's all you got.  My mom had breast reconstructive surgery (due to estrogen induced breast cancer in the 80's) and now has a boob with no nipple.  She's almost 75 and she wants a tattoo.  She thinks she should tattoo a tennis ball on her reconstructed boob as a nipple as a nod to her passion for the game of tennis.  I say, "that is one of the best ideas for reality TV (and idea in general) that I have ever heard!"

Bruce and Kris Jenner have made numerous references to Bruce taking a pill to help with their sex life.  How about meeting your dad in the driveway for lunch and he has a bloody nose from mixing too much Cialis with Blood Pressure medicine.  Now, that's a dicey twist the Kardashians haven't thought of...........

And that leads me to my last teaser Ryan.  Kendall and Kylie were recently shown rifling thru their mom's closet for Gucci sunglasses, Channel purses, and other assorted designer clothing.  Me, well when cleaning out under one of my 14 year twin boys beds, I found a stolen and most likely recycled "Passion Party" sleeve under the bed.  (You'll have to google this item if you don't know what it is).  Now, that is unbelievably great, knee slapping, crazy reality TV stuff and I'm serving it up to you free (at the moment).

So pass this on to Kris when you chat.  I get her.  I get the wine guzzling, the sneaky smokes, the little nips and tucks, the cougar stuff, and even the grunting during tennis that embarrasses her kids.  But I've up'd the ante.  My stories are better.  No Ryan, I don't want you to join me - I want you to call me.

Seriously, dude.  These are real life stories.