#holyhotflashes

I'm not going to lament long on hot flashes and menopause because it seems really "ugh" - but #holyhotflashes doesn't begin to describe my nighttime sweatarama.  I keep thinking of the song by the band Perry - "If I Die Young" and want to substitute "lay me down in an igloo" for "lay me down in a bed of roses".   I dream of someone bringing me some ice packs and he kinda looks like this - I haven't had a crush since Patrick Rafter, US Open winner 1992, but hello Clint Eastwood's model son - I am an admirer for sure!

 

I'm a big believer in, " if you don't have something to say - don't say it" so I've been kinda quiet for awhile.  I'm now thinking that you may be able to relate to what I'm experiencing.  I've also been thinking about the month of January and how much I think the month sucks and then I feel really bad because it's actually the month of one of my sister's bdays.  But it's okay, she totally feels the same about the month in general and she's already taken the advice I'm soon to dispense here.  I had an epiphany while on a brief run yesterday.  I say brief because due to the calories taken in, it should have been more extensive, but oh well.  Hollywood is so smart to have all these awards shows in January.  I'm sure it's for the viewing public and we wouldn't watch anything so boring if it wasn't January.  But what a great incentive to not give into the cold and bleakness of January (lucky West Coasters here) - they've got a party to go to and need to put on a form fitting dress.  This is where I can't help but give some sage advice.  Join me in getting out there.  Party like you are a star.  Have people over.  Put on something form fitting.  Nobody can put baby in the corner.  Try something new.  Make new friends.  Make a Lifeboard - Plan for 2014 and make it happen.  Thanks for joining me - it's not fun to be alone.

Sideways

 

I love the expression, "going sideways".  My friend and I use it a lot in conversation in reference to social situations when it appears that people have had too much to drink (could lead to literal definition of sideways) or when people's behavior seems odd and we're expecting something not normal to happen.   One of my sisters was interested in our obsession with the term, "going sideways".  It appears upon closer review, I have had a long love of the word Sideways.

I love the movie "Sideway's" -

I love this song "Sideways" by Citizen Cope



I love to sleep "sideways" -

I'm assuming the boys wouldn't have made it this far in my Blog so now to my favorite use of the term - "going sideways" - My top 10 signs that things are about to "go sideways" - in relevance to teenagers of course.  Not all from personal experience - some heresay included....

Boys having slumber parties - it's weird; they may be playing GTA late night, but most likely they are planning on partying somehow...

The first signs of pubic hair; applies to either sex - just sayin.....8th grade or the age of 13

Boys with back packs - check 'em; I'm pretty sure they are not keeping a spare toothbrush packed just in case they get invited to sleep over :)

Bonfires - real definition; now we can drink outside so my parents can't see and bonus extra people can stop by and my parents won't know

A house with no alarm system

Adult parties piggy backed with kid parties i.e. the adults will be drunk and not know what's going on

Offering to pay your sister to take you to a party - $10 pp

Your liquor taste like water

The purchase of a Country Music Pass for the summer -

Txts with pics of your dog and how to subdue her -

 

 

Now not all saints become sinners.............

 

 

In the words of my newest celebrity acquaintance, Paula Abdul -
 "Straight up, now tell me
Do you really wanna love me forever
Oh, oh, oh
Or am I caught in a hit-and-run?
Straight up, now tell me
Is it gonna be you and me together
Oh, oh, oh
Or are you just havin' fun?"

 

 

 

So "going sideways" or "Straight Up" - Life is good and sideways is normal.  Join me in my love of teenagers, my never ending search to one up Nancy Drew, and to never stop appreciating these moments for what they are - teaching lessons that will hopefully create productive adults that can pay their own bills - now that is Straight Up!!

 

 

Temporary Gag Order

After just coming off a fall summit for Chief Marketing Officers that involved a lot of talk of Social Media, I've been giving the challenges of TMI (too much information) a lot of thought.  I started writing my blog because I love to share the trials and tribulations of my life with teenagers and felt like there was a sort of unspoken partnership of teenage parents out there.  The more I share the more I am sure that people love to hear my tribulations, but don't necessarily think they share in my trials.  This is where I promise you are wrong.

Twitter for teenagers is a place to hang out where parents aren't - if you haven't checked out your kids "Twitter" - you need to and stalk their friends too while you are it.  If you haven't checked it because you think they need privacy until they show you a reason to not trust them - the reason to not trust them is on their Twitter feed.  I have seen pictures of bongs, drunk girls, and inappropriate exposure of body parts.  It is almost a full time job.  I quit stalking them on Twitter recently because it is very time consuming (boys note - I could still access if I wanted to:) - .  I have seen enough to know that what's there is nothing good.  Same goes for "Vine", "Instagram", "Snapshot"  all = teenage trash.

Teenagers see the moment in front of them.  They have no concept of consequences that could cause them serious pain or future demise.  Taking away privileges, grounding etc make me feel like I'm parenting, but I have found a way to make it really hurt for them.  For every future naughty incident, the priviledge of driving (and it is a priviledge not a right) gets delayed 30 days.  This should also save me $5k in auto insurance for the unforeseeable future.

Privacy is an interesting concept these days.  I am going to respect my children's privacy at the moment and not share their current status of naughtiness.  But there is no part of their life that I am not going to insert myself.  I demanded a phone recently and asked for code to be put in so I could view what was going on immediately.  Yea, there was a little smoke that made me take this step (or as my friend and I like to equate it to as "terrorist chatter"), but again what you see will really open your eyes.  When my peeps pay for their stuff - they own it, until then - it's mine and my job to check what they are doing with the serious intention of saving them from themselves and I promise I am not being over dramatic.  What happened to the theory that you shouldn't post something that an employer would want to see - that applied to Facebook after it was out for a bit, but doesn't seem to have made the leap over in the many other ways to share these days. 

Oh boy, the joys of social media for me.  I love Facebook as do probably most women over 40.  It is such an easy way to feel connected and in touch with friends that have spanned the decades with me.  I loved my trip to LA, sharing pics of celebrities, and finally the purchase of my new bike.  If you feel like I overshared you can choice to not receive my feeds = perfect!  Join me in enjoying technology, but not being afraid to dig in and face life's truths.  It takes a village.........

Dangerous Absolutes

July was a great month of relaxation with friends and family at the beach in Delaware.  My sisters and I worked hard in advance to prepare for daily wear of bathing suits attempting new "life/nutrition" regimes started in May aka "JJ Virgin".  We had fun with the comradeship and the discussions of the pro's and con's of no gluten, no dairy, no sugar or sugar substitute, no peanuts, no soy, and no eggs.  The results were great and I definitely felt really healthy.  Dieting girl absolute - once the 3rd person says, "you look great - you've lost weight", your diet is shot to hell.  I promise.  It's a dieting hex.  Here's another absolute - it was hard, but not impossible to follow the diet on vacation if you pretend booze doesn't have sugar in it.  And then, once I dipped my toes into a lobster roll and didn't say, "hold the roll", I fell down the laundry shoot hard and fast and have not been able to get back on the "JJ regime" yet.  I need to.  I'm about to grow out of all my skinny clothes and that will suck.

Upon return to normal life, I found myself knee deep in being the "most strictest parent in the neighborhood".  Vacation felt oh so far away.  When it comes to parenting teenagers, this is where I swear, I have no "absolutes".   My neighbor whose kids are all out of high school has always warned me against being judgemental when it comes to teenage behavior.  I have taken that advice seriously.  What is going to happen next, I'm absolutely sure I don't know.  I am absolutely sure my teenagers are going to screw up.  I pray it isn't life threatening or cause bodily harm to someone else.  My senior appears saintly.  We will see.  She just may be very crafty.  My twin boys are sophomores and as my dad predicted not that long ago are much bigger and stronger than me.  Here's an absolute - they are not smarter than me.  Pools are not open after dark in any neighborhood and if you don't live there you aren't a welcome guest.  Keep trying fellas. 

As we settle into August, lots of activities keep everyone relatively busy and therefore in general out of trouble.  So looking forward to football games and other fall festivities.  So looking forward to more family time/visits, weekends with friends, and trying to capture moments and firmly plant them in my memory bank.  Just this morning, I walked around looking in purses and on numerous tables and in drawers looking for my reading glasses.  I passed myself in a mirror and realized they were firmly planted on my head.  I am absolutely freakin old and the short term memory stinks.  All I may have left is my long term memory and the ability to fake the rest.

Last night, as I hopefully slid down the laundry shoot of gluten and dairy for the last time in a while, and after a week of trying the new dipped cone at McDonalds and a taste of the new "pretzel bacon cheeseburger" from Wendy's, I decided to try an indoor s'more.  Just for the record, if you put marshmellows on a graham cracker for 30 secs in the microwave and then put Hershey bar on top w/graham cracker to hold it all together = yum and yum.  Who needs a campfire anyway!!!

Join me in enjoying life, embracing changes in regimes, appreciating life's small moments and knowing when to hold up and fold up.  JJ here I come - absolutely for today!                              

Parent Yourself

When the kids were little, I'll admit I was a little crazy about what they ate.  My twin boys went from breast feeding to pot roast and veggies (I  have eye witnesses to testify to that event).  I've labeled it "retro parenting" and think maybe a little bit of retro parenting is good.  What I mean about that is a lot of kids today have issues with food and it has more to do with control, than actually not liking what is front of them.  Our parents and generations before them would never let kids get away with eating what they eat now and actually being the one who decides.  I never gave them options.  There were a lot of tears, but I never let them win.  I probably appeared as a mean mom in public.  But the end result is my kids will eat anything.  I'm lucky, but I worked hard for it. 

We all start out with "try it", "take one bite",  "no dessert if you don't eat your dinner" and at some point we give up.  Stay with it.  Whose the boss?  That's my Ann Landers for the day.

As I started out with my JJ Virgin diet plan last Monday, I realized I needed to apply my "retro parenting" thoughts to my own self.   My thoughts on giving up dairy.  Okay, but no way can I have coffee without half and half.  Reality - coconut milk creamer is actually good and I wouldn't have known that if I wasn't willing to taste it.  I haven't had dairy (including 1/2 and 1/2 in 9 days).  Kale or spinach in a smoothie = disgusting.  That statement is wrong - you actually can't taste it (I can smell it though).   4 lbs down - I feel good and I do believe my psoriasis is subsiding.

Ah, ha moment for me.  If I apply my own parenting thoughts to myself, I can do anything or I can certainly give it a good try.  I am a huge Kelly Pickler fan and am actually inspired by her success on "Dancing with the Stars".  That girl grew up rough and did not come into "Dancing" with tons of dance recitals behind her.  She was amazing.  We can be too!  Join me in not being afraid to "taste" new foods and experiences!

Desparately Seeking Middle Ground

I was recently in a texting conversation with a friend discussing our new "diet" plan and "desparately seeking middle ground"  was my description of what I would like in regards to my "diet"  or as I like to now refer to as my "health" plan.  It seems like dieting is so extreme.  I'm either completely off the wagon and their is no food taboo (aka Fritos), I can't seem to shove enough in my mouth or I'm trying something a little cuckoo.  I don't consider what I'm doing cuckoo right now or drastic.  I'm trying to eliminate some foods to not necessarily lose weight, but more to see if I feel better.  So it's not so much as a "diet" as a new health regime.  The fact that I've heard it referred to as an "anti aging" eating plan is ensuring my dedication.

To know Lysa is to know that I have stomach issues.  I am not going to get too graphic here, but I wasn't voted "Iron Guts" in High School for nothing.  I've never taught myself to burp a whole song, but pretty sure if I was challenged I could rise to the task.  I definitely struggle thru severe gas and bloating, so much so that I physically feel sick.  I started realizing that dairy was a culprit when after a few sips of my kids milk shakes over the past few years, I didnt' feel good (total tongue in cheek when I say a few sips).  I tested eggs recently and realized they made me feel sick also. It's so interesting if you listen to your body what you learn.

Enter JJ Virgin.   You knew it was coming.  I happened to catch UNC TV's fundraising drive and she was on it.  Check out, JJ Virgins, "The Virgin Diet", Why Food Intolerance is the Real Cause of Weight Gain.  So the basic plan is to drop 7 foods, lose 7 pounds in 7 days.  The 7 foods to lose are soy, dairy, gluten, eggs, peanuts, sugar and sugar substitutes, and corn.  The plan outlined in the book is pretty specific.  So I have a group of ladies (yes, of course my sisters) and we have a group email and group text conversation where we share ideas and talk about how we feel.  This is so helpful.

So I confess, the first 2 weeks I dabbled.  My sisters were serious and experienced serious results.  I got 100% committed starting this past Monday.   You have to prepare for this health plan so you have on hand what you can eat.  I feel great.  I'm hoping to get rid of my psoriosis.  I've always heard gluten was a culprit of auto immune disorders so I'm hopeful.  I'm hopeful for less hours/days of burping and f......g,( I just can't bring myself to say or write the whole word).  My skin doesn't look bad, but if it could look better I'm game.

So yes, I'm desperately seeking middle ground in my middle age, (I'm hoping I'm still considered middle aged since I just bought Centrum (freakin) Silver = ugh). I've never taken a vitamin.  Oh, I've bought them, but threw them out unopened when they expired and I still hadn't taken one.  I'm trying to find some middle ground with my teenagers.  The boys are actually hosting a end of the year bonfire tomorrow.  Pray for rain.  Join me in finding the middle ground in pursuing a healthy life that is still inspired to try new things and never stop seeking to be better.

I've Been Around the Triangle

Today, I'm tackling the fact that there are no cool dresses for normal women (more explanation to come; stay with me) and I've been around the Triangle hence the Lisa Stansfield video - here are some of my shopping tips and they can be applied anywhere just not here in NC.

First, I'm going to be honest and confess I'm a Fashionista and TJ Maxx is my go to tried and true faithful place to shop.  I have had many a good afternoon, rain or shine mulling around every rack looking for a treasure.  I don't have the luxury of that time currently and really haven't been out shopping in awhile.  I went to TJ Maxx recently to pick up a gift for a friend and basically lost my mind and ended up hitting 4 TJ Maxx's in a 3 day period.  I know that sounds a little loopy, but I'm nothing if not a bit focused when I get started with something.  Side note - I know I'm not alone here.  I will not name names, but I have a very good friend that actually gave up TJ Maxx for lent that how serious the TJ Maxx problem can be.  This particular shopping trip turned into a complete clean out of my closet and drawers with a critical eye'd friend and came up with 2 green trash bags of giveaways.  Take away here: find a friend who has seen you and knows what looks good and who is willing to "gently" tell you what doesn't.  It turns out, I went thru some period of thinking that embroidered clothing was in.  In or not, that period has passed and I'm glad someone was strong enough to say so.  As I'm sure you are aware there are different levels of stores.  There are now TJ Maxx's with The Runway - designer sections (15 501 and Falls of Neuse TJ's) have these.  Sometimes, the clothes appear to be old but expensive because of  the label in my opinion.  Here in NC, I maintain the TJ's Beaver Creek is shopped so hard it has the best selection of new merchandise.  Now, don't take it personal if you own a few of these labels but I'm "gently" telling you to beware of Chaus, Valerie Bertinelli,  and Willi Smith.  You run the risk of looking dated in Chaus and Valerie Bertinelli.  Willi Smith is made for TJ's as is Cynthia Rowley and although the styles are current the clothes are crap quality.  Marshalls is up there with TJ's, but here in Cary we have to venture all the way to Crossroads which in my opinion is a huge deterrent.

After my 4 store TJ's and Marshallls (okay that makes 5) marathon, I had bought and returned for 3 days and had fed the beast and now the shopping beast was looking for more.  I was still empty handed and was laser focused on finding a cute, throw on, dress up or dress down dress.  Decided to forgo cocktails the other night and venture into mall land and see what Dillards, Macy's and Belk had going on.  Shoot me now.  Dillards has minimum racks which I liked, but they consider their own brand of Antonio Melani to be their top designer - no freakin way is that true.  Belk is packed to the roof tops.  I don't know how you can even push the clothes on the racks to see what is there.  Probably best place for dress as they have literally thousands as long as you don't care that 100 people all living in this small town have the same one.  On to Macy's - still love Inc. but have promised to take a sabbatical from anything sparkle or rhinestone which leaves me limited options here.  Besides Inc. there was just a bunch of the same stuff they had everywhere else.  Again, came home with a bag of hopefuls all to be returned.

I lied when I said Kohl's could be an answer.  They keep giving it a good college try with all their new private label designers but when you try on it all looks ridiculous.  I have now had two trips there with a friend with a discerning eye and my best fashion interest at heart and all we have ended up with was a good laugh at each other in the dressing room.  Sorry for the previous wrong information. 

Say yes to boutique shopping if you only need one special thing.  I have had success at Scout and Molly's locally, but usually only go there when I have been the thankful recipient of a gift card.  I had a blissful hour at Cameron Village recently and think that may be the ticket if I hit the lottery or somehow come into an inheritance. 

Today, I anxiously await my online shopping shipment of dresses from Amazon.com.  Nothing sexy, fun, or rewarding about shopping this way but success at this point would be exceptional.

So net, net, net - someone please hear us normal ladies.  We need dresses that don't cost over $100, that don't show our hiney's, have normal arm holes, and don't have animal prints.   I don't think that is asking too much.  Join me in some future successful shopping which also means a clean out of what you already own.  Good news for me, the shopping beast has thankfully gone back to sleep.